Psychologist Stanislav Sambursky explained why decent women are unhappy in marriage
More and more often we hear stories about poor and unhappy women who, alas, meet only scoundrels in life. That is why decent, nice people do not meet worthy candidates for their hand and heart? Instead, they suffer with abusers, manipulators and egoists. Injustice of the highest degree!
It turns out that men are all bad and there are no good ones. This belief is easy to justify failures in personal life. Especially when a woman positions herself as worthy, honest, caring, altruistic, loving, beautiful, smart, etc. A gift, not a wife!
It is important to clarify here: when a person talks about himself, then, no matter how you look at it, he is fibbing a little. This assessment is not objective, and not yet completely complete, says psychologist Stanislav Sambursky .
For a happy life, it is necessary to take into account other qualities: adequacy, love and respect for oneself, prudence, the ability to evaluate situations, make balanced decisions, etc. This is the basis. Giving compliments to oneself is a fairly simple task. Whereas looking inside yourself and evaluating in practice is more difficult.
To understand, Stanislav Sambursky gives the example of two women.
· The first one loves her family madly. She runs home from work to make dinner before her loved one arrives. She also needs to devote time to the children, do the laundry, clean, and stay positive when the battery is dead;
· The second one also has a husband and children. She calmly comes home and, in fact, does everything that the "first" does, but with one amendment: she will not tolerate her husband's careless or rude attitude. If instead of affection, gratitude and care she receives devaluation, impudence or indifference, she will file for divorce. Her plans do not include tolerating.
Now the question is: who will be happier? Of course, the second one. She values herself, her work and time. But many in our society still consider sacrifice to be almost the main component of a happy marriage.
Women turn themselves into Cinderellas with their own hands. They are so kind, flexible, and thrifty. They don't need anything except the happiness of their loved ones. That's where the mistake lies. You also need to love and respect yourself. Fairy-tale qualities lose their essence without self-love.
In the end, decent ladies really do meet scoundrels and by indulging their whims feed their unbearableness. Why pretend to be a victim, especially with such a set of positive qualities, if later they will wipe their feet on you and not say thank you? This cannot be called happiness. In the end, no one knows what kind of life awaited Cinderella after the wedding: happy and with love for herself or sacrificial out of habit?
Scoundrels always find naive and kind women. They use leverage very well and quickly sit on their necks. The question is quite natural: "Women, why are you proud of these qualities if they lead you to your own misfortune?"
Of course, you don't have to set the bar too high right away. Everything needs to be done carefully and sensibly. For example, tell yourself that you will never split the check in half on a first date, and certainly not pay for dinner yourself. You can also add a bouquet of flowers to the "obligatory" list.
Many will think about mercantilism. So be it! But then the dependents, misers, gigolos, etc. will be immediately weeded out. This approach elevates a woman to the rank of not just decent, but worthy, after whom the same men will run in droves.
Good, like money, tends to depreciate. If you give it away left and right, what good will it do? Everyone will be fine, but good will become commonplace, a familiar gift of fate, for which you don’t even need to say thank you. In addition, a good person must adequately assess situations and understand whether he will do good or harm now. This also applies to relationships. You can’t sacrifice yourself thoughtlessly: there will be no reciprocity.
So it turns out that women, under the guise of nobility, make themselves unhappy, and then hate the male sex. It is worth noting that such behavior is also characteristic of some men, for whom, after their own mistakes, all women are insensitive egoists.
