Psychologist Andrey Kashkarov: what phrases you shouldn’t say to a man
Many are familiar with the well-known maxim “in the beginning was the word,” and adherents of the Christocentric church praxis know that “the word is a double-edged sword.”
Thus, in some Protestant denominations, the “word” (based on the books of the Bible) is placed in the prerogative of service and knowledge - Sola Scriptura “Scripture alone”.
In many ways, communication based on words is the driving force of the modern world, the semantic symbol and background of any information activity.
Therefore, a word can offend and even kill, says psychologist Andrey Kashkarov . That is why civilized debates, a culture of debate and a culture of criticism, critical thinking and its verbal expression are important.
Since there is no special male or female psychology, but only features of typical, inherent gender type behavioral manifestations, then words can hurt anyone - both men and women. But if we look at the typical communication style of representatives of different sexes, we will notice that the style of verbal communication is different.
The only thing that is probably the same is that in the modern world many people want to have the last word and thus, in a civilized sense, “defeat” their opponent. This can be seen in verbal battles of various levels – in everyday life, transport, and even in some scientific debates.
In this regard, a boy, and then a man, is also brought up by words. He accepts the unwritten norms of morality and behavior inherent in or imposed by women on the male community.
Most boys in the modern world are raised by female mothers, sometimes older relatives help them, but in general such upbringing fits the definition of matriarchy and is aggravated by the practice of single-parent families, when the child sees almost no male example; there is either no father, or he is often busy.
This is one of the problems of modern society, when a "vicious circle" is created: typically boys are raised by women (and I would not give them the glory of the best teachers, not at all), and when a boy turns into a man, women are sometimes unhappy with the fact that a representative of the "strong" half of humanity has a conventionally feminine character, reactions and behavior. Women try to influence a man with words, because the word is the main method of female influence and communication.
A typical man with growing life experience understands that “women’s tricks” mean influence and manipulation, and tries to protect himself from the influence of what he sees as toxic.
Among women's methods of verbal influence on a man, there are motivating, insulting, comparative and panegyric. And the meaning of all the influence, as a rule, is in the motives that motivate action. From women you can often hear a very precise, albeit allegorical definition of life together with a man - a woman is a "neck", and a "man is a head". So they "turn" the head, in the sense of motivating a man in their own and common, as it seems to them, interests. And all this is carried out through verbal communication.
Depending on the acquired experience and the character of a man, he, understanding women’s techniques and their meaning, may “not tolerate” certain words and phrases.
In addition, there is a strong situational dependence of a man's reaction to a woman's words - on the authority of a particular woman for him. As usual, there is no exact recipe in psychology, but there is knowledge confirmed by the practice of generations.
As a rule, a man does not tolerate "offensive" words or even hints when they try to influence his personality, criticize him, and not his actions. Option: "and you [such and such] ..." or "you're a fool yourself", "what are you looking at?!" etc.
Among the offensive ones, as a rule, there are many different words, their number exceeds the ever-memorable dictionary of "Ellochka the Cannibal". Some men cannot stand rudeness from a woman, so any use of obscene language is not acceptable.
You shouldn't say anything to a man that would cast doubt on his masculine essence - from his physical form to his professional competence; no one likes that. You shouldn't scold his mother, or even her memory.
The main rule, even if you need to criticize or encourage a man to do something, is well known - praise first.
