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Psychologist Elizaveta Vasilyeva told how to save a family: advice
22.06.2023 20:06
Even in the most ideal relationships, a crisis happens. What to do if it has come, but you want to save the family?
Psychologist Elizaveta Vasilyeva told how to save a family: advice.
1. Admit the problem
Everyone goes through crisis stages. If there aren't any, it means the relationship isn't developing and will soon end. Yes, it's not easy to go through such a period, but it will definitely end.
The first crisis occurs when the couple has been together for about a year, then at three, five and seven years of relationship.
In addition, crises occur due to various external factors: job loss, betrayal, birth of a child, personal age-related changes, etc.
You are not alone in your problem, something similar has already happened to thousands of couples. Admit that you are currently going through a crisis stage. This will be the first step to resolving the conflict.
2. Find the source of the difficulties
Start with yourself. Take a piece of paper and a pen and write down your complaints about your partner. For each complaint, give points from 0 to 10, where 0 means everything is fine, 10 means I can’t put up with it.
Focus on the points that scored 5 or more points. How long have you been unhappy with this? What have you already tried to do?
Ask your partner to do the same practice. Discuss point by point what each of you is ready to do to get rid of the claims.
3. Talk
It is very important to talk about problems with your partner in an ecological way. Most likely, if you are already in a crisis, then all conversations before this have not been successful. The rules for successful communication in a couple are as follows.
- Choose a good place and time. For example, it is not a good idea to resolve a conflict in the bedroom or in a car during a traffic jam. Suggest that your other half go to a cafe or a park.
Just please don't scare her with phrases like, "We have a serious conversation coming up!" Just say, "Honey, I want to discuss an important topic with you. Let's go for a walk?" - Speak through "I messages." Instead of "you're always late at work," say "I feel lonely and unimportant when you're gone for long periods of time."
- If you feel that the conversation is getting heated, take a break. It is advisable to agree on this condition with your partner in advance.
Remember that the peak of emotion lasts about 13 minutes. So take a break for at least this time.
4. Remember why you fell in love with your partner
Write down at least 20 virtues of your other half. Maybe she cooks deliciously or gives the best massage? Find in your memory episodes from the beginning of your communication.
Surely, you noticed the advantages more then. The more advantages you remember, the better! You can invite your partner to do the same, and then exchange lists.
5. Spend time together
Relationships go bad when people stop spending quality time together. The kind where they are just husband and wife, no phones, no kids, no jobs, etc.
When was the last time you did this? Plan a date. It could be just a walk or a trip to the movies, but the main thing is just the two of you.
6. See a family psychologist
If you have already tried everything, but you still can’t find mutual understanding, contact a specialist. He will help you see what you don’t notice.
Remember, any family can be saved if the partners want it.
