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Psychologist Elena Katsyuba told how to avoid divorce
26.03.2023 12:30
Updated: 14.04.2023 21:25
There is no magic pill to avoid divorce.
Elena Katsyuba, psychologist, psychosomatologist, told how to avoid divorce.
Just as it is impossible to create some kind of instructions, following which it would be possible to save a marriage. All families are so individual and anything can happen, therefore it is impossible to give any guarantees even for the happiest marital relations of today.
But there are some general tips that can be given on how to increase the importance and value of relationships.
Don't think about divorce
To avoid divorce, you must not think about divorce. If we constantly think about the fact that our husband (or wife) might leave us, then at a subconscious level we begin to do things that will provoke a breakup. For example, asking questions like, "You won't leave me, will you?"
A partner who has never thought about this before may have the completely natural thought that this is, in principle, possible.
He understands that he is not trusted and that his spouse is constantly thinking about divorce and is kind of expecting such an outcome. He also begins to feel mistrust.
Therefore, it is necessary to understand that life, indeed, does not give any guarantees and anything can happen. But if here and now everything is good, then you need to appreciate and enjoy this moment, without setting yourself up for negativity.
Look for someone with similar values
Relationships involve several stages of development. The initial stage is the state of being in love. And the following stages differ from each other in the depth of the coincidence of values.
If there are no such coincidences, then most likely, a long-term relationship will not work out, since these people have nowhere to strive together. If the key values are the same, then the chances increase many times over.
But, in addition to common values, there are needs for safety, protection, care, trust: will you always be there for me, how much can I count on you, are you ready to lend a shoulder in difficult situations. And the more affirmative answers a couple has to these questions in relation to each other, the deeper they delve into each other.
And when so much has already been invested in a relationship, then losing it is unprofitable and even scary.
Evolve together
Over the years, people begin to change. Some reconsider their worldview, some values or goals. For example, while the children were small, one had a high need for security and confidence in the future.
And when they grew up, other needs appeared. For example, in self-development. If one works on himself, studies something new, plays sports, then he will want to see a person no less smart, interesting and fit next to him.
In order for the relationship to survive, the evolution must be joint. And here the question arises – to what extent the couple is ready to take into account each other’s interests. If this tandem works, then no separation will occur.
