What you can't do for a man
"As soon as I get into a relationship with a man, I lose myself. What's wrong with me?"
Olga Batueva, a psychologist, told what you shouldn’t do for a man.
We are all, men and women, carriers of our family histories. We bring into our personal model of relationships what we have observed since childhood in our parents, grandparents and all other relatives.
Plus, social stereotypes and beliefs contribute to how a man and a woman should behave in a couple.
Over the years of psychological practice of counseling (more than 25 years) men and women, I have compiled a list of what you should not do for a man if you want to create a close loving relationship.
1. Adopt your man and treat him like a stupid object incapable of taking care of himself. What do mothers do for their boys when they are raising him? They take care of him because he is still little and needs help to gain life experience.
At the same time, they teach him to take care of himself. But there are mothers who just can't let their son go free. Until his hair turns grey, they are ready to feed him, give him something to drink, wash his clothes, and advise him on how to live. They worry every winter morning about him tying a warm scarf and putting on a light shirt in the summer.
Such a man subconsciously seeks a woman-mother for himself, and of course they are found. If you behave with a man like a mother, then you automatically continue to form helplessness in him. Do not be surprised that you "drag" all the household chores, raising children on yourself.
2. Put a man on a pedestal and make him a God. Creating a personality cult does not lead to anything good. First you exalt him, then you will lower him in order to get out of total submission and save not only self-esteem, but also, in some cases, personality.
Women who do this say: "And I thought so, but he turned out to be." Learn to see a man as an ordinary living person with his pros and cons and be equal with him.
3. Pretend to be a dumb, silly girl so as not to offend a man with your intelligence. Remember, if you want a relationship to develop, will you be able to play this role all your life? So be yourself. If a man is not interested in your intelligence, then why do you need such a man?
4. Engage in improving for a man. If you met a man in his natural form, it means that he loved you like that. Fantasies on the topic of "cutting here, adding there, so that he loves and wants more" can only be fantasies, not connected with reality.
Better ask the man. Usually they are horrified when they see an improved version of their woman (they told me this themselves). They fell in love with natural beauty, not hyaluronic one. But if a man asks you to correct something in yourself, then you should think: "Do you want to lie on the surgical table for the sake of his desires?"
5. Forget about your own interests, live entirely for the interests of the man and become his pale copy. Men and women are attracted to each other because they are very different. It is this difference, the unknown, that excites. Develop your interests and tell each other about your successes. This will bring more benefit and drive to your relationship.
6. Manage your husband's career and give advice if he doesn't ask for it. Advanced wives don't educate their husbands, but suggest going to a psychologist, coach, or career consultant.
In matters of career advancement, impartiality and development of professional and personal competencies are needed. The husband and wife have close emotional ties with each other. Impartiality is out of the question.
7. Becoming a psychologist/psychotherapist/coach for your man. Beginning helping practitioners are especially guilty of this. Don't do this. Remain a beloved woman. There are specially trained people for "treatment". Don't take away their bread and butter.
8. Fit a real living man to the fantasy in your head "A man should be..." and then list your ideal. Learn to love a living person, not a fantasy in your head.
