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How a woman can survive and recover from divorce
05.01.2023 18:50
Updated: 13.04.2023 07:10
Forget, start a new life, close the door to the past - everyone advises. But is it so easy to follow this advice?
Tatyana Persico , psychologist, psychotherapist, relationship expert, told how a woman can survive a divorce and recover from it.
Let's figure out how to properly survive a divorce step by step, so as not to return again and again to past grievances and disappointments and not to bring past problems into future relationships.
Usually after a divorce a woman gathers many sympathetic people around her. People are generally attracted to suffering, especially other people's. And it is also very pleasant to feel like an important adviser and be a support for someone who is in trouble. To give yourself significance, to feel useful.
Those who really want to be useful and relieve the "poor thing" from suffering usually say: a wedge is driven out with a wedge. Go on dates immediately and dispel all your sorrows. This is absolutely forbidden!
Step 1: Give yourself time to grieve.
Any separation from a loved one is a strong stress. It is very important not to avoid strong emotions, but to give yourself time to live through them. The main thing is not to drag it out for many years.
The best option is to independently determine the period of time allocated for grieving. For example, one month or two. Mark the completion date on the calendar and strictly follow the plan.
During this period, you can cry as much as you want, remember the best and worst moments, get angry, scream... whatever you want.
It is important to stop doing this exactly on the day you set.
Step 2: Stop communicating.
Stop communicating with your ex-husband, completely. If you have children together, reduce it to a minimum, communicate only about the children, no heart-to-heart talks.
Remove all his things and anything that reminds him of him. It's better to throw them away or give them away. If you're not ready for that yet, at least put them away.
Don't follow him on social media and don't find out anything about him from your mutual friends. Ask him not to tell you anything about him and don't ask him yourself.
Step 3: Find strength within yourself and set new goals.
Your life has changed, and you may now have to start doing things you never even thought about before.
Write down on paper all the new responsibilities that have fallen on you. Think about how you could optimize the process of their implementation. Perhaps this is not as difficult as you previously thought.
Set yourself new goals that really light you up. What makes your eyes sparkle, what makes you want to wake up in the morning?
These could be professional goals, children, or something else that is most important to you.
Step 4: Get active.
Yes, setting a goal is not the end result. It is important to start doing certain actions.
Think about what brings you the most pleasure. Maybe it's time to sign up for a dance class, an art course, or learn a foreign language.
Step 5: Do what you couldn’t do before.
What did you have to give up after marriage? Maybe it's time to remember this again. What you catastrophically lacked time for because of family concerns. Maybe your husband was against your hobbies or gatherings with girlfriends.
Start doing it again.
Step 6: Find new friends.
If you've started doing something new, you've likely entered a new environment. Make new connections, organize meetups, or join events that interest you.
Step 7. Happy woman.
Remember what a happy woman looks like. What do you lack in your image? Maybe you should change your style or see a psychologist. Or maybe get a new job or move to another area.
Go through all these 7 steps with pleasure, noting your successes at each of them, and you will definitely become a happy woman again, no matter what.
