Listen and Hear: 8 Forbidden Phrases for Parents of a Teenager
Teenagers are sensitive and vulnerable due to their not fully formed psyche. They tend to show strong emotions, exaggerate and embellish any events.
Of course, it is quite difficult for parents during this period, but it is worth remembering the phrases that should not be said to growing children.
"You won't behave like that in my house!"
Strictly speaking, this is not only the parents' home, but also the child's own, he has rights too. If you constantly emphasize that he is a nobody here and has no name, then the teenager will leave the house. And how else, because he is not welcome here and they try to humiliate him.
Many parents think exactly like this: "He hasn't achieved anything yet, everything was bought with our money, he will still be asserting his rights!" Well, in that case, they can rejoice - the irritating factor will disappear from their lives quite soon.
Simply put, after coming of age, the young man will leave and never return.
"Listen here!"
These words sound with a clearly expressed negative, therefore, the teenager will think not about listening to his father or mother, but about how to protect himself. In this situation, he is not an interlocutor, but an opponent, who is threatened with another attack from the enemy.
Therefore, the conversation is unlikely to be productive, because the child will direct all his efforts to stopping it - he will throw a tantrum, start throwing objects, and lock himself in the room.
"Are you going to teach me?"
There is a clear disdain and ageism here. That is, if someone is younger, then they are already subhuman, who should just nod silently and obey strong and wise adults.
A person will remain in this conviction even after the end of puberty. And when parents are amazed at the infantilism and inability to adapt to life of their grown-up child, let them remember how often they uttered this phrase.
"You only have to study well, everything else is none of your business!"
Of course, studying is great, but grades alone won't feed you. It turns out that he is some kind of uneducated straight-A student. Yes, he knows how to plot function graphs, but he doesn't know how to communicate with people. And all because all that was required of him was straight A grades. What kind of person he grew up to be and what his personal qualities are, his parents don't care at all.
"Because!"
This is simply an "original" answer to the question: "Why?" It is not surprising that the teenager does not understand what is being discussed, but for this he is rewarded with additional "epithets" - "blockhead", "slow-witted", his father and mother reproach him for the fact that "everything needs to be explained to him on his fingers".
The crack will grow and widen, and eventually relatives will completely stop understanding and hearing each other, becoming, in fact, strangers.
"You're no good!"
The teenager learns that people are judged solely by the benefit they bring. He is unlikely to love someone if it "doesn't do any good". He grows up to be an egoist and a cold-blooded consumer.
"Your desires don't interest me!"
Children are already quite powerless and dependent on their parents. And this phrase only emphasizes this inequality once again. In addition, the child hears that he is not really needed by his mom and dad, for them only their own desires are important.
One day he will tell them, already old and in need of help, the same thing.
"Not now, but right now!"
This phrase literally repels with its categoricalness. Yes, the teenager may obey, but a rebellion will begin to brew inside.
And if you always shout like that, you can finally break him, and he will be ordered around by anyone who feels like it - teachers, peers, even strangers. In other words, instead of a strong and self-sufficient personality, a weak-willed and spineless creature grows up.
Of course, teenagers can be unbearably difficult at times, especially when they suddenly go from one extreme to another - loving and hating, showing interest and becoming indifferent, hugging tightly and pushing away rudely.
But in this situation, only the parents are adults and smart. If they start to follow the lead of the growing child, they will only demonstrate their own immaturity. It is unlikely to add respect from the children.
Earlier we wrote about 5 phrases that you need to say to your child.
