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Psychologist Andrey Kashkarov told what to do with children's hysteria
17.12.2023 21:08
A child's hysteria is associated with emotional reactions to what is happening and can be aggravated by secondary signs of influence, such as: accumulated negative emotions, previously unresolved situations (unprocessed gestalt) and the characteristics of the current (newly emerged) situation.
The last factor also includes the individuals in whose presence the hysteria occurs.
Moreover, at different “childhood” ages and taking into account the characteristic features of the child, his behavior with elements of hysteria manifests itself differently.
Almost always, only adults react in the same way to a child’s “hysteria”, believing that some inadequate component is “hidden” underneath it.
However, it is entirely possible to cope with children’s hysteria, or at least not make it a habit, says psychologist Andrei Kashkarov .
By hysteria we mean a rich and often hypertrophied emotional reaction, awaiting (in the child’s mind) the fulfillment of his demands.
Taking into account the above and typical distinctive features of hysterical behavior, it is appropriate to understand how to exclude, stop or prevent (in the format of preventive communication with the child), and also to give some almost typical recommendations to adults. And let's start with the latter.
Change your attitude
As with any emotional reaction from another person, regardless of his age, but taking into account his characteristic features, it is advisable to treat it ambivalently, that is, indirectly, without taking on elements of hysterical or even aggressive behavior.
And indeed, a child (typically) rarely “throws tantrums” with the destructive motivation of “I’ll freeze my ears off to spite my grandmother”; after all, he wants to get his way, and tantrums for him are just one of the ways, and an extreme one at that, to convey his childish protest against the actions or intentions of an adult.
In accordance with the not entirely impeccable maxim accepted in society, “if a woman is hysterical, the man is to blame,” in this case, people, by analogy, ask more from an adult than from a child for hysteria.
However, if you change your attitude to the understanding that there is “nothing personal” directed against you in such a childish protest, it is easier to cope with another person’s hysteria.
Distractions are necessary
Or it is simply necessary to distract the child from his demands, presented in a hysterical protest form.
You can distract him in any way possible - from talking about other topics, with an emphasis on what a particular child likes, to sudden, atypical, unfamiliar (for him) and new positive impressions.
There may be several options, the main thing is to surprise. "Make a surprise" in a positive way, and it helps.
A very conditional and, perhaps, not suitable for everyone, although creative example (a desperate illness can be cured only by desperate means or none at all) - get down on your knees and become a dog for a while, you can even bark.
It's all well and good, but the example is given as a hypothetical one in order to show how necessary a creative approach to surprise and unexpectedness is in this matter.
Another thing is that try not to repeat your reactions to a child who is in a hysterical state.
If today you “became a dog,” tomorrow you should come up with another reaction as a distraction for the child.
Know your child's character
This never fails. If you are attentive to the child, know his typical reactions (whether he likes them or not is another question, as a rule, these are just consequences of the habit that the child was allowed to do a lot earlier), then you can assume these reactions and not bring them to hysteria.
As people grow older, they do not completely forget the lessons of childhood.
Episodes, especially vivid ones, when they had to “throw tantrums” in one form or another, emerge in their adult life as elements of a habit (method) of achieving their desires, learned reactions and behavior.
In fact, based on the character of an adult, it is quite possible to understand how he was raised in childhood, what was allowed, what and how was prohibited, and this is not new.
Adult reactions are manifested according to the maxim "sugar not eaten in childhood". This is one of the reasons why it is important to distract children from hysterical reactions, not creating conditions for them and not contributing to the emergence of a pattern of behavioral habit.
Earlier we talked about why parents shouldn’t say the word “well done” to their child.
