They had sex three times a week but slept in separate rooms. A year later, they filed for divorce.
"Sex without trust is a sport, not intimacy," anthropologist Helen Fisher told TIME .
Her 15-year study of 50,000 couples proved that 73% of marriages break up due to a lack of trust, even if everything is perfect in bed.
But why does sex, which seems to be the “glue of a relationship,” lose out to the boring word “trust”? The answer lies in neurobiology and evolution.
Neuroscientist Paul Zak , known as "Dr. Oxytocin," explains: "Trust stimulates the release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone.
Sex causes dopamine, which quickly becomes boring. It's like comparing fast food and a home-cooked dinner: the first gives a surge, the second satiates for a long time."
An experiment at the University of Virginia confirmed that couples who share their fears and dreams are 60% more likely to maintain passion after 10 years of marriage.
The fact that intimate relationships become routine and unloved habits become torture is confirmed by scientific data.
According to the Journal of Couple Therapy , 41% of couples who focus only on physical intimacy lose emotional connection within 2 years.
But there is a downside
Dr. Terry Real , bestselling author of The New Law of Marriage, warns: "Trust without sex is friendship. There needs to be a balance. If you haven't touched each other for 10 years and you 'trust', that's a dead relationship."
The story of a 60-year-old Japanese couple who slept separately for 20 years but walked arm in arm every day proves that even in old age, tactility is important.
How to find balance
Sexologist Ian Kerner recommends the “10-minute rule”: talk about something deep for 10 minutes before sex. “It’s like lighting a fire before diving,” he writes in Love in the Age of Tinder.
Psychotherapist Esther Perel adds: "Sex should not be a way to 'earn' trust, but a consequence of it. If you are afraid to show weakness in bed, you do not truly trust."
