It's hard for parents to raise teenagers. One wrong word and an explosion of emotions is guaranteed.
But many mothers and fathers do not even realize that their usual phrases slowly destroy trust and push the child to rebel.
These words seem harmless, but they are like needles in your self-esteem. Check yourself - you may say them every day.
The first forbidden word is "Because I said so!" A teenager hates groundless prohibitions. His brain demands logic, not dictatorship.
This phrase infuriates him not because he is “rude,” but because he feels disenfranchised. Instead, explain: “I don’t allow you to go out after ten because I’m worried about your safety. Let’s discuss how to compromise.”
The second is “Here I was at your age…” Comparisons with your childhood are useless. A teenager lives in a different world, where the values and challenges are different.
This phrase sounds to him like: "You are worse than me." Instead, say: "I understand that it is difficult for you. Do you want me to tell you how I dealt with stress?"
Third: "You're too young to understand this!" A teenager is fighting for the right to be an adult, and such words humiliate him.
Even if his opinion is naive, listen and answer: "Interesting thought. What do you think the pitfalls might be?"
Fourth - "Don't be smart!" or "You don't know anything about life!" These phrases kill the desire to share thoughts.
The teenager becomes withdrawn, and you lose the chance to be their friend. Instead, say, "You're right, I hadn't thought about that. Let's figure it out together."
Fifth: "You're selfish!" or "No one will re-educate you!" Teenage egocentrism is a stage of development, not a death sentence. Name-calling reinforces a negative self-image. Try: "I feel sad when you don't take my feelings into account. Let's learn to negotiate."
The main rule: talk to a teenager as if he were an adult whose opinion you respect. Even if he is wrong. Replace prohibitions with dialogue, accusations with "I-messages", and lectures with questions.
After a month of such conversations, you will see how conflicts turn into discussions, and your child begins to trust you.
