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Secrets of a Narcissist. Psychologist Stanislav Sambursky spoke about the behavior of such people
30.07.2023 10:20
Even the most "powerful" narcissist hides the unpleasant side of his personality from people. It is a secret he wants to forget, but cannot. So what do narcissists hide under the mask of self-praise?
Everyone knows that the behavior of narcissists is confusing, says psychologist Stanislav Sambursky . Their actions awaken shame, resentment and a sense of imperfection. It is impossible to be near such a "deity" without embarrassment. At such moments, it is important to remember: the behavior of a narcissist is a protective mask behind which he hides a cowardly, defenseless and small person.
His terrible secret is that beneath the outer armor lies an insecure person who desperately needs his loved ones. To keep them, he resorts to control and power.
Unfortunately, he does not know any other behavioral tactics. This raises a natural question: "How does he manage to hide his fear and insecurity from society so masterfully?" To do this, he uses several tools.
Control
For safety, the narcissist needs to control and influence people's minds. He transforms their consciousness, adjusts their feelings, thoughts, and actions to himself. Having achieved results at this stage, he steps onto another, where he begins to demand, belittle, and manipulate.
The third stage gives him an imaginary security, since now his persona confidently rises above the humiliated and insulted. Usually the desire to subjugate people comes from childhood, because that is how he was treated during that period of his life.
Grandiosity
The next thing that makes a narcissist "be in his element" is an inexhaustible source of bragging, tales of his greatness and power. For this, ordinary people are not enough for him.
"Happiness" is brought by acquaintances with wealthy social classes, government officials, etc. Influential friends and acquaintances give confidence. Expensive purchases are made. Thus, low self-esteem and cowardice fade into the background for a short time.
Arrogance and envy
The life of a narcissist is a constant torment of envy. While he smashes weaklings to smithereens, he is wary of strong competitors. Someone else's superiority is unbearable!
He is the best in the world, which means that no one else can outdo him. Envy breeds hatred towards competitors. And in such a situation, stepping over heads is quite "reasonable", as is revenge for non-existent grievances.
Increased sensitivity
Due to their excessive insecurity, narcissists require constant praise. It is a doping agent they cannot live without. Any criticism, no matter how constructive, is perceived extremely sharply.
You may not agree with a narcissist, but then expect the following: either he will force you to accept his point of view, or he will call you the “nicest” words he knows.
His hypersensitivity to criticism is a consequence of his lack of self-confidence. The narcissist lives by the principle: if he is not praised, then he is criticized. Praise must be constant. It energetically feeds him and gives him the strength to act.
The narcissist's actions are empty and without responsibility. He does not accept the golden mean. There are only two options - good or bad. When making a mistake, the narcissist immediately becomes a loser. Shame and helplessness rage inside. To realize the mistake and admit guilt is like death.
Protection
When things don't go according to plan, the narcissist turns into a child. It's normal for children to deny guilt and lie to avoid punishment. The narcissist does the same, but the game doesn't end there. Blame is used. Everyone is to blame for his misfortune: from the cashier at the grocery store to the state.
It is useless to reason and set on the right path. It is a waste of time, because you will be the one to blame. This is the final knight's move, that is, projection. To shift all the blame onto your neighbor and accuse him of your own sins: inadequacy, stupidity, excessive sensitivity, selfishness and weakness.
The actions described above help narcissists time and again to hide their terrible secret from people and ruin their lives. Knowing these aspects will help you get out from under their influence.
