Psychologist Andrey Kashkarov reflects on how to live alone
Active external communication, as well as an isolated life with a minimum of contacts, is not only not prohibited by law, but is the right of any person, if such a style does not harm others.
At the same time, conditional self-isolation or its derivative – conscious loneliness – is the least harmful to other people in comparison to, for example, intrusive or active communicative communication.
Psychologist Andrey Kashkarov recommends several steps for those who consciously choose an isolated lifestyle with the manifesto “I don’t bother anyone, and don’t bother me” or the option “you don’t need to help me, the main thing is not to interfere.”
There are actually a lot of such people in the world, and they are not very noticeable precisely because of their modesty and unpresentable achievements.
There are professions in which solitude is more beneficial than harmful, and there are others where it is a clear and necessary condition of activity, helping when and where it is necessary to concentrate, focus and produce a “result”.
For example, creative activity. Almost any creative person, for example, a writer as a person inclined to fiction, lives in a special world invented by him. John Fowles said it even better: "There are many reasons why writers write, but they all have one thing in common - the need to create an alternative world." You can add - first of all, for your own comfort. So do not rush to judge.
For a confident, stable and calm life alone, it is necessary to take care of the household and a stable source of income. Because conscious loneliness is, first of all, conscious independence.
For the same purpose, it is recommended not only to limit contacts (friends, acquaintances, the Internet), but most importantly - to regulate them. Because loneliness is not a disease, not a diagnosis, but a consciously developed and chosen lifestyle. Therefore, regulation is important.
A person can live without communicating with others at all for several days and not feel discomfort, and then go out into the world and communicate well and actively for some time. This is absolutely normal. And then return to his "kennel" or "snail". There are signs of the zodiac that are predisposed to loneliness, but this is also very conditional, because at different periods of life the style of the same person can undergo changes.
And one more thing. A lonely person is more of a label, a cliche in the modern world, which only conditionally corresponds to reality. With the Internet available, you can communicate with the whole world, literally without leaving your home for months (food will also be delivered to your home). Therefore, such a person does not feel lonely at all. Rather, he is called such by those around him who do not understand him. And at the same time, thanks to his concentration, he is able to achieve great results in his professional activities, which, by the way, he is also able to regulate himself.
Moreover, by and large, today a huge number of people in the world can be classified as "lonely". But most of them choose this path themselves. Or a habit formed over the years is triggered. For such originals, the main thing is to be comfortable and not bored with themselves. But if a person gets to know the world in all available ways, without going to multi-thousand rallies and despising the behavior and opinion of the "crowd", then it is appropriate to ask the question: is this bad?
The problem can only arise when a person lives alone against his will. He wants to be friends – he can’t, he wants to communicate and doesn’t find like-minded people, he wants family ties and doesn’t find his other half. He is not in demand at work or in his family, because families (existing on a formal basis) are full of lonely people. He loses faith in himself, becoming embittered against the whole world. Not finding psychological or religious compensation. This situation with a cumulative effect can lead to a tragedy, including degradation, alcohol addiction and suicide.
In all other cases, the conscious choice of limiting contacts and conditional loneliness in our age of all-pervasive and diverse information, literally imposed on you by other people and the media, is simply “off the charts,” which leads to completely conscious decisions to limit communication and information – in order to preserve one’s intellect, mental health, and even life itself, undisturbed by the pernicious influence of progress.
